I’m too damn cheap
to burn bedsheets or bridges
I take my chances with
cuffed fists say they’re leaving
and majestic seeping train tunnels
looking like I’m ragging on
the genitals of people I hate
it’s just that the cunt colouring book
reminded me of you so much
and you should
probably go get that
checked out

I swear I try to be
body posi most days / I just have flash/backs
twisting my mouth sideways
fucking bitter ethics
like cocoa in your teeth

I don’t know how to
disrespect someone
only a little

all of it smells
of you’re in
love and
stained tunnels

I’m not going to get stabbed
tonight I can’t hardly dance
tonight I got slapped on the ass
by a stranger tonight and
went home feeling
like a glass eye

I have a body
that my x said
wasn’t supposed
to be sensual

he asked/
where I got it from

a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes
practised often
used more so

tactile things are meant to be stroked
monuments
egos

weeks later I’m still wondering if
I should write the cold woman
with an oval face and a puppy
who gave me her address
so she could pay me back
if google maps can’t find a place
I don’t think it exists

what is this Candy dance
and why does everyone in this place know the moves
exactly where to turn
so that the floor is a mass of bobbing heads
moving as hivemind
I sit on a speaker and openly gape
the only asian girl
as far as the eye can see
my heart hurts
so it’s poetry
obviously

lover (me,
I call myself lover
because only I can be mawkish
with myself)

lover,
be generous with your admissions
of affection. go slowly into dark places
but remember fortune favours
the well-mannered and gung-ho.
don’t drive your chariot into
hit-and-miss accidents. the mandarin
word to incur (闯) is a steed in the
opening of a doorway. fuck you and your
china shops. the bull dozer is here.
my tarot shows me riding a chunky
cattle boi at all times so I know
I must be whatever the opposite
of a matador is. I only want a
decent vacuum, some custard creams,
to stop biting the dead skin on my nails,
well-fitting shoes, to master
the hula hoop